I've never considered myself to be controlling. I've never had to have everything planned out. And I can't even begin to count how many times I went out with someone at the last minute. Even now, when it's something that deals with me and my time I'm usually pretty easy-going. Some may say fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants. Yet when it comes to things that have to do with my daughter, I become the most detail oriented, planning-nazi around.
Especially right now. The wee one has come down with a rash. The nurse and I thought it was an allergy rash from yogurt. But yesterday she didn't have dairy and it's worse. It seems to be spreading. So when I can't make things better with a wave of my wand, I start spinning. What can I do? Where can I help? What can I control around her to make some impact.
It's times like this that make me appreciate my mother even more. I've already thanked her a few times for all she's done for me. Dealing with the colds, coughs, stress, etc. How did she do it? What would she recommend. And thankfully, she hasn't taken advantage like some moms might. She offers advice for what I ask and only that. And if I don't take it. She understands. Major cool points for that! But still, all the advice in the world can't make my little one better right away.
It's so freaking frustrating to feel this way. I try to do the best I can, but I still feel as though it's not enough. I know, I know. Just breathe. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."