Shadow Work

For the last two weeks, I have been feeling more and more like I'm missing something. I know that it's something I need to work on or deal with. And it feels like each day whatever it is is coming closer. Almost there...

Last week, I hit a boiling over point. That point in which, I said, "No more! I can't keep doing this."

Yes, it's happened. I've hit burn out.

So, when this happens, I start to weed out the excess in my life. What do I need to focus on. What stays.

What goes.

In this current cleaning, I've noticed a few things. First, I've come back to my blog. I need to write. Journal. Get it out. Put my feelings into words and see if that will help me focus on what I really need and want.

So, I listened to Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine take the Lead by Tosha Silver. It was a good book. Sure it was a little circular and repetitive. But it started me thinking that I need to open up and listen to the path that I wrote before I came into this world. What I wanted to learn in this life. I feel I've filled up my life and time with many important and valuable things. But there's also some things that are no longer suiting me and what I need.

After that, I found another audiobook. Discovering your Soul Signature: A 33-Day Path to Purpose, Passion & Joy by Panache Desai. I'm only on day 3 but still. It's an interesting book about allowing yourself to feel emotions and let them run through you instead of cutting them off, tamping them down or ignoring them completly. By doing this, we allow ourselves to really cast off the excess weight and see what our Soul Signature really is. I don't know if I'll have any epiphanies from this book or not. But it's a great excercise in soul searching.

I have another book. Journey to the Dark Goddess: How to Return to your Soul by Jane Meredith. Sensing a pattern here?

Yep. I apparently need to work on my Shadow Self. What is internal that I don't show to others, or myself.

But I'm still not sure what I need to learn here. It will come. I'm open to it. Letting the Divine in. Letting Higher Powers guide me to what I haven't been allowing to flourish.

It'll be an interesting journey. But I'm positive I'll end up more refreshed, positive and centered.

For now, I'm just enjoying the journey.

Lazy Sunday Movie: The Polar Express

Ok, I know I keep mentioning this movie. But it is my favorite holiday movie. I love the premise. A little boy is having a "belief crisis" about Santa Claus. Does he exist? He has all this evidence that he doesn't. A picture of him pulling a department store Santa's beard off. Mechanical Santas in store windows. A definition of the North Pole as "devoid of life". Then on Christmas Eve he has a magical journey on a train that takes him to the North Pole to meet Santa. He meets different people on this train, fellow children (a little girl, a poor little boy, a know-it-all boy) the conductor, the engineers, and a hobo (ghost?).

While on the train he talks about Santa, does he exist? He wants to believe, but he doesn't want to be tricked. He doesn't want to find out it's all been a lie. He doesn't want to think he's been stupid for believing in something that doesn't exist.

All of the little boy's issues with Santa have been mirrored in my own spiritual journey this year. Is there a higher power? I have evidence that he/she doesn't, I didn't want to swallow a lie because everyone else believes. I am one that likes to be logical, rational, everything has a reason, a purpose. However, having had my beautiful daughter last year, I have started doubting all my logical and rational reasons for not believing in a higher power.

There has to be someone/something out there. Has to be. How else could the magic of life happen? The magic of conceiving, of carrying and growing a child in my womb, of delivering this living, breathing, giggling, smiling, laughing bundle of joy? It's too difficult for me to believe that this all is a happy coincidence.

So, now that I know there's a higher power, what form does it/he/she take?

I have issues with the traditional male patriarchal Christian idea of God. Issues going back to my early religious upbringing. Nothing against my parents, they put me in the best school they could afford. But being told constantly that what you do is wrong, you will always do wrong unless you believe/do exactly as you are told. Even then, humans are sinners. Ugh, enough.

I've done a lot of searching in my life. Which religious path is the one that speaks to me. Which one rings of truth? Well, none of them. So I decided to take a little of each different faith, meditation, prayer, energy work, spell work, ideas, rules, everything. I just needed to find a God/Goddess that made sense to me. I asked for signs, symbols, anything to show me evidence of a pressence. Isis made that connection to me. She reached out to me when I asked for a hand to hold. I feel for the first time in my life a connection to the divine. There is evidence! I had my magical journey. From my discussions with friends, and acquaintances, I have come to the same conclusion as the little boy. I belive. Like the conductor says to him, "Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

Prayer for Those at Fort Hood

Isis, protect the wounded and the fallen at Fort Hood.

Wrap your wings around the injured so they may feel sheltered.

Please help speed their recovery.

Wrap your wings around those who’ve passed so they may feel safe.

Please help them on the next step of their journey.

Wrap your wings around the families so they may feel shielded.

Please help ease their grief and pain.

Isis, watch over the wounded and the fallen at Fort Hood.