Sunday, December 20, 2009

Lazy Sunday Movie: The Polar Express


Ok, I know I keep mentioning this movie. But it is my favorite holiday movie. I love the premise. A little boy is having a "belief crisis" about Santa Claus. Does he exist? He has all this evidence that he doesn't. A picture of him pulling a department store Santa's beard off. Mechanical Santas in store windows. A definition of the North Pole as "devoid of life". Then on Christmas Eve he has a magical journey on a train that takes him to the North Pole to meet Santa. He meets different people on this train, fellow children (a little girl, a poor little boy, a know-it-all boy) the conductor, the engineers, and a hobo (ghost?).

While on the train he talks about Santa, does he exist? He wants to believe, but he doesn't want to be tricked. He doesn't want to find out it's all been a lie. He doesn't want to think he's been stupid for believing in something that doesn't exist.

All of the little boy's issues with Santa have been mirrored in my own spiritual journey this year. Is there a higher power? I have evidence that he/she doesn't, I didn't want to swallow a lie because everyone else believes. I am one that likes to be logical, rational, everything has a reason, a purpose. However, having had my beautiful daughter last year, I have started doubting all my logical and rational reasons for not believing in a higher power.

There has to be someone/something out there. Has to be. How else could the magic of life happen? The magic of conceiving, of carrying and growing a child in my womb, of delivering this living, breathing, giggling, smiling, laughing bundle of joy? It's too difficult for me to believe that this all is a happy coincidence.

So, now that I know there's a higher power, what form does it/he/she take?

I have issues with the traditional male patriarchal Christian idea of God. Issues going back to my early religious upbringing. Nothing against my parents, they put me in the best school they could afford. But being told constantly that what you do is wrong, you will always do wrong unless you believe/do exactly as you are told. Even then, humans are sinners. Ugh, enough.

I've done a lot of searching in my life. Which religious path is the one that speaks to me. Which one rings of truth? Well, none of them. So I decided to take a little of each different faith, meditation, prayer, energy work, spell work, ideas, rules, everything. I just needed to find a God/Goddess that made sense to me. I asked for signs, symbols, anything to show me evidence of a pressence. Isis made that connection to me. She reached out to me when I asked for a hand to hold. I feel for the first time in my life a connection to the divine. There is evidence! I had my magical journey. From my discussions with friends, and acquaintances, I have come to the same conclusion as the little boy. I belive. Like the conductor says to him, "Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

3 comments:

Tarot Dame said...

What a beautiful post. It touched my heart. :)

xoxoxo
Kiki

SpiritPhoenix said...

Thanks! It came from the heart. Enjoy your evening.

bp said...

"I belive. Like the conductor says to him, "Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

It is beautiful post. It touch my heart. :)