Shadow Work

For the last two weeks, I have been feeling more and more like I'm missing something. I know that it's something I need to work on or deal with. And it feels like each day whatever it is is coming closer. Almost there...

Last week, I hit a boiling over point. That point in which, I said, "No more! I can't keep doing this."

Yes, it's happened. I've hit burn out.

So, when this happens, I start to weed out the excess in my life. What do I need to focus on. What stays.

What goes.

In this current cleaning, I've noticed a few things. First, I've come back to my blog. I need to write. Journal. Get it out. Put my feelings into words and see if that will help me focus on what I really need and want.

So, I listened to Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine take the Lead by Tosha Silver. It was a good book. Sure it was a little circular and repetitive. But it started me thinking that I need to open up and listen to the path that I wrote before I came into this world. What I wanted to learn in this life. I feel I've filled up my life and time with many important and valuable things. But there's also some things that are no longer suiting me and what I need.

After that, I found another audiobook. Discovering your Soul Signature: A 33-Day Path to Purpose, Passion & Joy by Panache Desai. I'm only on day 3 but still. It's an interesting book about allowing yourself to feel emotions and let them run through you instead of cutting them off, tamping them down or ignoring them completly. By doing this, we allow ourselves to really cast off the excess weight and see what our Soul Signature really is. I don't know if I'll have any epiphanies from this book or not. But it's a great excercise in soul searching.

I have another book. Journey to the Dark Goddess: How to Return to your Soul by Jane Meredith. Sensing a pattern here?

Yep. I apparently need to work on my Shadow Self. What is internal that I don't show to others, or myself.

But I'm still not sure what I need to learn here. It will come. I'm open to it. Letting the Divine in. Letting Higher Powers guide me to what I haven't been allowing to flourish.

It'll be an interesting journey. But I'm positive I'll end up more refreshed, positive and centered.

For now, I'm just enjoying the journey.

The Picture of Dorian Grey

So, I just discovered that my library has audio books. Not just the cd kind either. I can now download them directly to my phone. Of course, that made me remember my 2010 Book Challenge. Yes, I'm still on it. I was bad and only read one book on my list that year. Ugh. I did read, just nothing on that list.

Here goes. I decided to start with The Picture of Dorian Grey.

I've tried to read this so many times, but like Dracula I just couldn't get into it. All the descriptions and old timey language just stopped me cold. But having someone read it to me. I just have to open my ears and pay attention. Or space out on the boring parts.

I have to say that I sorta enjoyed this book. I liked it more than Dracula. Ugh. That book dragged on and on and on and on.

This one was really only a little dull during the middle. When Dorian was talking about what he did after he discovered that he wouldn't age. There was this section of all these gemstones and tapestries and clothing and such. It was his materialistic phase I guess. Just kept thinking....come on get back to the good stuff. Some dialogue even.

The whole Faustian idea of the book really made me think. What if someone could really stay young forever and their picture aged. I don't know that the soul would really get ugly from doing something horrible. How many serial killers do we see that are handsome and charming? Granted this came out long ago. I guess though that their souls are probably as hideous as Dorian's picture. It would be an interesting situation. Since no one really knows what a soul looks like.

Hmmm.....philosophical discussions may take place in my household now.

And I have to see the movie that came out a few years ago with Colin Firth as Lord Henry (I think). 

The Invitation - by Oriah

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

© 1995 by Oriah House, From "Dreams of Desire"

Published by Mountain Dreaming, 300 Coxwell Avenue, Box 22546, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4L 2A0

I'll be following up with a book review based on this poem by Oriah once I finish it.

Books and Friends

I just finished reading The Peach Keeper by Sarah Addison Allen. And while it was a good book, I don't think it was her best. It got me to thinking though about friendship and what true friendship really looks like.

The book focuses on a small town in North Carolina. The main character Paxton is the President of the Women's Society Club and she's always striving to be perfect. The other main female character is Willa. She's from a family that was wealthy in the beginning, but lost their fortune when the logging trade dried up.

Anyway, they both went to high school together, but weren't friends. One night while driving home late, Willa sees Paxton in trouble and comes to her rescue. After that, Paxton can't figure out why Willa hasn't spilled the beans to everyone in town. She thinks Willa must be planning to use this information against her at a later date. Willa is very confused by this, since it's not how she operates.

But to be fair that's the only kind of friendship Paxton has ever experienced. At the end, Paxton comes to understand what true friendship is, and she sums it all up in this quote " One way or the other, Paxton knew that those who decided to stick with her would be her true friends. The others would just be scenery."

I've dealt with a weakening or loss of friendship over the past year. And it's been weighing on my mind. I sat down a while ago and really thought about who I could lean on if I needed to. And it turns out that I don't really have many.

I'm talking about:

• calling at all hours of the night/day


• being there for them when they need me


• being able to talk about whatever and knowing they won't spill the beans to anyone


• them being there for me


• helping each other out


• listening to problems and automatically knowing to offer advice or agreement


• being willing to drive to see me, just as much as I drive to them

I also include the usual talking about whatever and joking of course. But just to have one woman that you can always go to, to talk about whatever, whenever, is amazing.

I have that.

I do.

It just surprised me that it wasn't originally who I though it was. And I'm so thankful that I have both of them in my life.

Jeanie & Mom - you are both all sorts of AWESOME!

The Element Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells: The Ultimate Reference Book for the Magical Arts

A few years ago I bought this book Element Encyclopedia of 5000 Spells and boy let me tell you it's got an insane amount of great information in it. If you ever wanted to know how to make Holy Water, Dove's Blood Ink, Goofer Dust, Graveyard Dirt, etc. All the recipes are in here. Plus there's all sorts of spells on pretty much anything you can imagine.Excerpt Spell:

Five Eye Spell - (Banish the evil eye)
Five pairs of glass beads, each pair in a different distinct color, are required for this amulet. Dizzying colors dazzle the Evil Eye.

1. String the beads in a double row.
2. Arange them in a circle.
3. Post or wear.

A lot are this simple, some require odd ingredients and yet others are more complex.


The weird thing is, when I bought the book you couldn't get it through the US version of Amazon. Apparently there was some issue. You can still buy it from random sellers. But it's now been reprinted. And the Reprint of Element Encyclopedia of 5000 Spells is available through Amazon. It was reprinted in March 2009 and since I haven't seen an actual copy I don't know if there have been any additions/deletions or corrections, but I'm sure it's just as handy to have in your collection.

Book Review: Heaven and Earth

I guess I'll actually be reviewing both Dance upon the Air and Heaven and Earth. I mentioned earlier that I was re-reading this trilogy by Nora Roberts. But I never mentioned what the storyline was about in the first book.

Dance Upon the Air
This book gives a bit of the background for the three novels and focuses on Nell Channing. She's on the run from her famous husband who is abusive. She lived in California and ends up in New England on Three Sisters Island. (Hence the trilogy title.) She needs to come to terms with what happened to her, face it head on and possibly fall in love (with the handsome Sheriff Zack Todd). If she doesn't face her tormentor the island will crumble into the sea.

Now Three Sisters Island is named for the three witches that legend says conjured up the island as a way to escape the witch hunts in the late 1600's. Well the three sisters (Air, Earth and Fire) end up falling apart. Air falls in love with a gorgeous man and they leave the island. She has a few kids with him, but he ends up killing her. Earth can't stand that her sister didn't defend herself and wants justice so she ends up going against her beliefs of "Not causing harm" and kills him. And at the end Fire is alone her two sisters end up dying/leaving and her husband ends up leaving as well.



Heaven and Earth

This book focuses on Ripley Todd. She's lived on Three Sisters her entire life. She's deputy sheriff on the island and has turned her back on her gift for the last 10 years. She has to work through her issues with her gift, her friends and the "yummy" Dr. MacAllister Booke (Paranormal Science) who's come to the island to speak with Mia Devlin (the resident witch and bookstore owner.)

Ripley's story also parallels Earth's story from 300 years before. Ripley needs to mete out justice without harm and if she doesn't the island will topple into the sea.

I really like both of these books since they deal with magic and family and friends. Plus besides being a quick and fun read, they just remind me of the inner struggle I had in coming to terms with my own spirituality. Do I believe? What do I believe? What does that mean if I believe? Am I really that strong to face my beliefs, fears, etc.?

I'm currently reading the last book Face the Fire which focuses on the last member of the three Mia Devlin. I'll post a review on that as soon as I finish.

Book Challenge 2010 - Dracula by Bram Stoker

Ok, as some of you might know, I signed up to do a Book Challenge for 2010 back in November. I finished one of the books a while ago and thought I'd review it for all of you lovelies!

I listened to Dracula by Bram Stoker. Honestly, I don't think I could have finished the novel if I had actually read it. The book's format really would have annoyed me. See, it's written as a bunch of letters, diary entries, and memos. So it's kind of a different way to read. The first part of the book is Jonathan Harker's experience in Transylvania. How he goes there. How he meets Count Dracula. And how he gets stuck there.

Then the book moves to his wife Wilhelmina (Mina) Harker's diary. And her day to day occurences at home with her friend Lucy. Who's trying to figure out who to marry. Then Lucy comes down ill. And her friend Dr. Seward (former suitor) can't figure it out so he sends for Dr. Van Helsing.

Eventually, the group figures out that Count Dracula is a vampire. That he turned Lucy into one. Jonathan was tourtured by Dracula's female entourage. And they must kill Dracula before Mina turns into a vampire herself.

Honestly, it's a good book. And quite interesting to learn about the Vampire mythology. But it's slow moving at some points (beginning specifically). So, I don't know if I'd recommend it to anyone to read. Listen to? Of course, especially around Samhain/Halloween.

Have you read/listened to it. What did you think?

Book Review: Undead and Unwed

While I was home sick yesterday, I decided to finish up this little gem of a book. It's nothing overly deep or complicated. Just fun, irreverent humor about being a laid-off secretary one minute and the Queen of Vampires the next.



Undead and Unwed by Mary Janice Davidson

Betsy Taylor turns 30, gets laid off, is killed by an SUV and wakes up dead all in the same week. The vampire community is convinced she's their prophesied Queen. But she's not having any of it - she's got shoes to buy! And now the undead world is being turned upside-down by a Bela Lugosi throwback and her subjects expect her to take care of it! Why didn't she read the handbook? But her would-be consort, Eric Sinclair, is (annoyingly) ever-present. If only he wasn't so tall, dark, gorgeous...and undead.