*Sigh*

This winter has been really hard on me. Well, to be fair, the last 6 months or so have all been building up to this. But, I have never felt this low.

I've always thought I had SAD, but I figured that I must've gotten over it the last few years, but to be fair, we had an extremely mild winter last year. So, that was obviously wishful thinking on my part.

Anyway, I've always hated February. There's a reason they make it so short. It sucks. There's too much snow, slush, gray, gloom and blah out there.Not to mention the fact that I end up feeling gloomy, gray and blah because of it.

I don't know about any one else, I hope I'm not the only one that has this. Well, we'll see if I'm the fucked up one here or it it's just commonplace.

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep? And not because you're thinking of all the things you want / need to do the next day, year, week, whatever. No, you're wide awake because your mind is telling you that, you shouldn't have done this or said that. You should have done this, made this, said this. And this is why you don't have, X, Y, Z. Or why you aren't A, B, and C.

Ugh, I just want to get rid of that little voice. And maybe it's always been there. Maybe I'm just more suceptable to it because of all the shit going on.

But I get up, I work out, I go through the motions, hoping that one day soon. The sun will come out, the flowers will bloom and that I'm not really a failure. And maybe, just maybe I'll be able to sleep through the night.

And then in the next instance, I just want to slap myself for even believing the negativity for even a second.

This has to end soon right?!?!?! Spring isn't that far away.....right?!?!?!

That little voice isn't right. Right?!?!?!